Couples therapy online
Couples therapy, for what lives between you
As a couples therapist, I work online with couples who want to understand how they suffer together, and how that can change. Sessions last 50 to 60 minutes, in English or Italian.
Love is not a given, it’s a state that we work toward and experience gradually.
How do we suffer?
This is the question at the heart of my work with couples. My approach is inspired by the Tavistock model. Rather than treating two people side by side, I look at the relationship itself as a third presence in the room: a shared space with its own history, its own logic and its own ways of defending itself.
So I do not work on one partner and then the other. I work with the suffering you create together, and with what happens between you.
What we look at together
How you chose each other
Partners rarely meet by chance. We fit together socially and culturally, through the values we hold, and above all at an unconscious level. Who do you need the other to be?
What each of you carries for the other
Sometimes one partner cannot accept a feeling, such as sadness, and the other ends up carrying it for both. We look together at who carries what, and why.
What happens with me
In sessions, old patterns come alive between you and with me. I may suddenly seem judging, or cold and distant. These moments are useful, because they show us where change can happen.
A third state of mind
I hold the strong feelings without reacting or collapsing, so that together you can step back and watch your own dynamic, even in the middle of an argument.
An example
Imagine someone who grew up in a chaotic, unpredictable home, who falls in love with a partner raised in a cold and rigid one. Consciously, each values the other’s difference: one brings spontaneity, the other stability. Unconsciously, they have made an arrangement. One acts out the chaos for both of them; the other keeps control for both of them.
Or one partner asks, “Why are you always so low?” and the other answers, “I don’t know.” What cannot yet be said is: “I am carrying this sadness for you too.”
Once a couple can see these arrangements, they can begin to choose differently.
Until you can continue without me
The aim is a couple state of mind: the capacity for both of you to feel and to think about what is happening between you, while it is happening. I hold that space with you until it becomes yours, and you are ready to carry on alone.
What does couples therapy online look like?
Couples therapy online takes place by video, with both partners on the same call. Choose a quiet, private room where neither of you will be interrupted, and where you can both be seen and heard.
My attention goes to the relationship rather than to deciding who is right. You may each arrive with your own version of the story. Both versions matter, and so does what happens between them while you tell them.
Online sessions can help couples who live busy lives, who travel, or who would find it hard to sit in a waiting room together. The work stays the same: a regular time, a protected space, and a third person who can hold what is too much for two.
Questions couples ask
What is the Tavistock model?
It is a psychoanalytic way of working with couples, developed in London. The psychiatrist Henry Dicks described the joint marital personality: the way two partners share and divide feelings between them.
Do we need to be in crisis to start?
No. Some couples come in the middle of a crisis. Others come because they keep meeting the same pain and want to understand it before it hardens.
Will you take sides?
No. I work with what the two of you create together. Each of you will be heard, and neither of you will be judged as the problem.
How long does couples therapy take?
There is no fixed number of sessions. We start with a period to assess together whether this work suits you, and we prepare the ending together when the time comes.
How much does couples therapy cost?
Between £80 and £140 per session of 50 to 60 minutes.
Fees for couples
The fee is agreed with you at the start, within this range.
Couples sessions
£80–140
50–60 minutes · per session
Reduced fees are available. Please ask.
Is this the right time for both of you?
Request your free first session together. We will see whether this way of working suits you as a couple.